Mad 28 Days Escape from Braveheart

If you've ever thought to yourself that there should be a movie that combines the best elements of awesome flicks such as 28 Days Later, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, with a little bit of Braveheart thrown in and inspired by flicks like Escape From New York, then you should watch Doomsday.

Not because it's necessarily a good film, but because it fits the aforementioned criteria.

Set in England in 2035, Scotland has been quarantined from the rest of the country due to the 'reaper' virus - a virus that emerged in 2008 and decimated pretty much the entire population. So what does England do? Build a bloody big wall to keep the dying and infected Scots out of their country.

Now it has somehow made it's way to London and so a team of specialists are sent into Scotland to retrieve a cure from survivors.

I never said the premise wasn't weak, nor did I say that it was a particularly good film. But goddamn! This film is full of gratuitous violence: blood spurting, limbs hacked off, bodies exploding, breasts being bared (not really violent per se, but I had to throw them in somewhere)... the whole nine yards.

Leading the charge is super-hot and super-dangerous Major Eden Sinclair played by Rhona Mitra.

As the film progresses we find there are essentially two tribes of survivors - the crazy Mad Max-ian ones that eat human flesh chargrilled to perfection over a massive barbecue pit, and who have taken their styling tips from the punk scene.



(For the observant ones: yes that is gaff tape around the girl's neck, and no it isn't just a fashion statement. In fact, she needs it to keep her head on because, well... you know)



Then there is the other tribe of crazies that live in a massive castle. They've also decked themselves out in full medieval garb just to fit in; horses, armour, crossbows, swords. The whole shebang. These are the ones channeling Braveheart.



Needless to say, trouble ensues and boy it sure is fun to watch. With Mitra muttering one-liners James Bond would be proud of, the action (and the blood-pumping gore) just keeps on coming. And to top it all off, it ends with an epic car chase through the Scottish countryside...



Yep. You can't get much better than a sexy goddamn Bentley Continental GT Speed crashing through a bus AND SURVIVING WITH BARELY A SCRATCH! As an aside, Bentley don't go for the entire product placement thing so the producers actually went out and bought three of those sexy beasts to play with.

This film has taken a cleaver to some awesome films and muddled them up into a mish-mash of cliches filled with blood, gore, and horrible acting. Which means if you're looking for a film that will stretch your mind and infuse your heart with a healthy glow... I'd look elsewhere. But if you want a film chockablock full of... nothing in particular other than body parts galore... then this is the one for you.

Double or Nothing

Double the Fist is back for a second season on the ABC. Why am I bringing this to your attention? Because I can.

Below is a trailer for the upcoming season.



I reviewed the first episode and I found it... different.

Back for a second season is Steve Foxx and he is pissed. The end of last season (four years ago) saw him being jettisoned into space to save the world…

Two armoured knights from a medieval re-enactor society watch on as a flaming meteor crash lands in the desert. Out of the steaming wreckage walks Foxx.

Double the Fist is a show for the boys. It is full of testosterone, anger, vampires, and mullets; the perfect show to watch whilst smashing down cans of VB, eating a bag full of raw snags, and beating your significant other.

Or is it?

Weakness is what is destroying the world (or so Steve says) and it is his self-proclaimed job to get rid of this weakness and make us all strong again. With the help of his mullet-wearing brother Rod, idiot Womp, odd-job man Mephisto, and a panda, this opening episode sees Foxx setting his sights on stealing 1 million dollars from a Pokie Tournament. Now this entire scheme is an homage to that wonderful crime caper Ocean’s Eleven and the aim? to buy a parcel of land where he can set up his headquarters for Fist glory of course.

It is an odd show (which is putting it lightly) with over-the-top special effects (that don’t look too crash hot), and sub-standard acting.

But that’s what they wanted. So they’ve succeeded in their goal of making a cheap and nasty show that’s politically incorrect and sure to raise the ire of several viewers.

Would it be recommended? Probably not, but that panda is hot.


Funnily enough, part of that review was edited out by my sub when I submitted it for a website I write reviews for and I just don't know why. Do you?

Splendid

After a wicked weekend away in Byron Bay for work (I was reviewing Splendour in the Grass which I will publish soon I'm sure) I came across this amazing band called Band of Horses.

They're an American indie rock band and they have such an amazing and dreamy quality to so many of their songs. Below is their song No One's Gonne Love You which really deserves more appreciation.

More songs from them to come.

Repo(ssess) My Heart!

I have found what has to be one of the greatest movies of all time to be released this year. No, I don't mean The Dark Knight, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull nor do I mean Zombie Strippers (which to be fair does look like it'll be a barrel of laughs and has porn star Jenna Jameson and horror maestro Robert Englund in it). A brief summary can be found in this wonderful trailer.




How does that movie not sound appealing? And what's more, how can there be a movie better than that? Well my friends, the answer is here.

Repo! The Genetic Opera.



With stars such as Alexa Vega, Paris Hilton, Sarah Brightman, Anthony Head, and many more actors of awesomeness, it is billed as a cross between Blade Runner, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Eagle eyed readers may have spotted Paris 'the root of all that is bad in the world' Hilton, but stay with me here. It is a schmaltzy rock opera with hideously amazing costumes and what sounds like a pretty freaking rocking soundtrack. Even she can't go wrong there right? And if she does, we can just hope she meets the same fate she did in House of Wax.



If you still think that Repo! The Genetic Opera looks bad, check out this clip.



There is hope for mankind yet!

I (Don't) Want to Believe

For all you X-Files fans out there, I sure hope you haven't seen the new movie.

Let's forget for a moment that it seems to have no real relation to the original TV show; or the fact that it seems like the producers/creator just wanted to create a cash cow that appealed to the massive fan base of an awesome and amazing series from the 90s; or even that the paranormal (which as we all know was the basis of the show) is somewhat sidelined in this recent outing.

Let's forget all of that because a bigger travesty has occurred.

You know part of the appeal for the original show was the 'will they won't they?' aspect of Mulder and Scully's relationship. Well now we know for sure. In the last X-Files movie (which was also the first) the relationship was always hinted at. There is even baby William to consider in this little cat and mouse game that was played at by Mulder and Scully - where did he come from? Was Mulder really the father? These were questions raised in the TV show and I think it was an effective plot device - it made us, the viewer, interested and it got us thinking and claiming our own theories. It was after all a show designed for the paranoid and the crazy.

But now all those questions seem to be answered.

In the latest movie, it appears that Mulder and Scully are shacked up and are in fact an item.

WHY?!

This takes away any sort of respect or interest in that particular aspect of the story. It appears that once again the bastardisation (or Hollywooding) of movies is alive and well and has ruined what could have been a halfway decent movie. We don't need things to be overtly emphasised or explained - we're not completely stupid. In fact, to hell with the internet and all that making the kids of today stupider than those of last generation. It's the goddamn movies that come out of Hollywood that explain everything to you in the most obvious terms possible. I'm surprised they haven't started releasing films that have a running commentary about what is happening. Imagine that?

BEN: I am going to pick up this pen and write down a note for my partner to get when she returns home. It is important to know because it will be the last note I ever leave her. I am leaving now.

JUDY (upon returning home): Oh look at this handily placed note on the table that makes it very obvious. I wonder who it could be from. I am going to read this note aloud now.

JUDY Reads: Dear Judy. I have just gone to the shops now because we needed some milk to feed the cats we have. I will be home later. If I am not, then you must assume the worst and think that I have been kidnapped or something equally horrible.

Subtitles down the bottom of the screen (assuming that people can still read):

BEN has just written a note to his partner saying that he will be going out to pick up some milk so that they can feed their cats. In the note, it also mentions that if he does not return then she must assume the worst. BEN places the note on the table in a very obvious place.
JUDY returns home and sees a note placed obviously on the table. She wonders who it could be from. She picks it up and reads it aloud.
SUBTITLES OF THE NOTE DISPLAYED ON SCREEN.

See. How freaking horrible would that be? And that is what has happened to the new X-Files movie. It is like being hit in the face with a goddamn brick whilst being told that you're being hit in the face by a goddamn brick.

Or at least, that's what I imagine it to be like.

I haven't actually seen the movie yet.

Tcard Me Home

The Tcard has been a public debacle for ages, and I just don't get it. If London managed to introduce the Oyster card why can't we? It's all a load of political crap that has stopped it being developed. And maybe the complete incompetency of the company that was supposed to help bring it about.

What really needed to happen was for the people in charge of NSWs public transport systems to come into a room with the premier and the developers and be told to streamline the existing fare structures and then have examples of how to do it.

By all means keep the concession/student/adult ticket prices, but actually divide cities into major zones. Zone 1 for Sydney CBD with a 3 or 5km radius, then Zone 2 from there and so on and so forth. That's what London did and people complain because it costs 4 pound to go from one station to the next in Zone 1 if you buy a ticket. What they don't tell you is that if you get an Oyster card (which you can pretty much buy anywhere) the price goes down to about 1 pound. Bargain! And you don't even have to live there to buy one! I suppose it also helps that the Underground is an effective and (reasonably) efficient public transport system. Especially considering that Sydney is severely lacking in that respect (but that's another rant).
Sure, once you hit the ocean in the east the zones run out which could be an unfair disadvantage compared to those living in the western suburbs but so what? If it makes ticketing and fares easier to understand then it's worth it.

So what is so hard about that? Stop trying to please everyone involved because that doesn't benefit the people who will actually be using the system. Pull your thumbs out and actually go and get this sorted. It's not that hard - swallow your whatever and do it. Hell, I'd even allow them to use my idea and see where that gets them.

Though knowing this country, it'll be another 10 years before it's put into effect.
By which stage even Ethiopia will probably have a better public transport fare system than here.

Australia: Land of the Free, Home of the Brave

We all know that America is the land of the crazies and the yobbos, not to mention the fatties and the uneducated.

Well, at least we thought we knew that. But with the recent revival of "me-tooism" it appears that Australia wants to take those crowns from the good old US of A and own them for itself. I keep finding evidence that we, the laconic people of the land Down Under, are fast becoming some of the stupidest people in the world. And the most awesome.

A case in point would be this article in the online Herald that caught my attention. For those that can't be bothered checking it out, it pretty much says that some guy from Newcastle (of course. You wouldn't see a Sydneysider being so uncouth) getting on his horse and riding around the streets of his neighbourhood.
Sure, that doesn't sound too bad does it.
But no, he was also swigging from a bottle of bourbon. Now that is awesome.
Of course, if this was America he would have been waving some lasso around and shooting off his little pistols whilst yelling "Yee-ha" and "darn-tootin" a lot (not to mention the flannel shirt, the cowboy boots, and the 40 gallon hat).
Seriously awesome!

Of course, in my mind I prefer to imagine it to be something similar to this amazing scene from the Governator's movie True Lies. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't just watch that scene - go out and rent the freaking movie!!
It is one of the greatest movies of all time.
If you're into crap dialogue, unbelievable action sequences, and a plot so full of holes it looks like swiss cheese.
But it is still awesome and anyone that dares question me on that point will be summarily stoned.

So what does this have to do with Australia wanting to become fatter, stupider, crazier, and more yob-ish than America?

Probably none. I just wanted to say it.