What is love? Is it really something that exists or is it something that we tell ourselves exists to try and find meaning in our lives, something to believe in to fill the time between birth and death? It’s a tricky concept and one that I don’t think many of us have an answer for, yet we all know what it is - or at least believe we know what it is.
Romantic love is what we all seem to be striving for – constantly searching for that one person who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Sure, some people live the playboy lifestyle, flitting from relationship to relationship but even they are looking for romantic love I’m sure (although they may not admit it). But what exactly is romantic love? An intense feeling of mutual attraction? Passion? Comfort? And does it start from the first time you meet that person, or does it develop over time? To me, I think true romantic love is not something that can happen straight away. You can be struck by someone’s beauty, their intelligence and their general demeanour, but does that mean you love them? No. Not straight away at least. That is purely an infatuation – a curiosity if you will. A desire to get to know them better to see what that person is like. I’ve met girls that I believe I could love, only to discover that it would never work out. And then I’ve met girls that amaze me each and every time I see them again and again – the type of girl who you want to spend time with, to talk to and laugh with. That is a strong basis for love to develop. But for real love to happen, you have to spend the time and the effort to get to know them better – to know their foibles and their frivolities, their passions, their quirky traits. Once you get to know all of this, and more, and that intense feeling develops into something more, then love has found its way into you. But is that true love? How do you know that it is true love with that particular person? It may feel that way in the beginning, but you never know how it will transpire. Let’s face it, most relationships that we have will end in a break-up. Even marriages these days are struggling. Is this due to our current culture? Have we been so taken in by the Hollywood idea of romance and love that when a relationship starts to get difficult – when that first stage of the relationship moves on to the next one, the stage where disagreements happen, where fights occur, where you kiss and make-up – we pack up and run for the hills?
You can’t choose who you fall in love with, it just happens that way. I often wonder why, and I can’t pin down one particular reason. I’ve loved a few people in my time, and each of them were different in quite obvious ways. Some people say they’re attracted to a certain type, but I don’t believe that to be true. Sure you can have an inclination for a certain generic type, but if you limit yourself like that, you probably won’t actually find true love and instead will be with someone that you want to live up to the image you have created around yourself. I don’t have a type, per se. I keep myself open and as a result have dated some very different characters. I haven’t loved all of them, or many of them for that matter, but what matters is the act of putting yourself out there and trying it. That, I believe, is one of the hardest parts of any relationship. Committing yourself to something fully that you know full well could end in disaster. Maybe that is why people stick to their ‘types’ – to stay within their comfort zone. All I know is that liking someone is easy, falling in love with someone is then a natural progression, but committing to it and committing yourself to it is so incredibly difficult. We as a society are so protective now that we are afraid of letting ourselves go, of letting ourselves experience what love and life is all about. We seem to have trouble bringing ourselves to trust and believe in what might happen. And there’s a good reason for that too – relationships do have a tendency to end. This is always in the back of our minds – we are constantly thinking ‘this could end at any time; I won’t dedicate myself to it. I’ll just hang back a bit so it won’t hurt as much when it does end’. This mind-set is wrong. It stops you from enjoying the little things of every day – the trials and tribulations that make life what it is. You have to let go of yourself, and all that you know and believe in for love to really work.
Every relationship goes through rough-patches. It’s a natural progression, and if you do truly love the person, then you will try and keep the relationship going, no matter how hard it may seem. That is one of the essences of true love – the ability and the strength to fight for it to continue because you can’t imagine your life without them. Love is not all roses and laughter, it is hard work. And the initial feelings will always diminish, and instead you’ll be left with something else, something more I think. Companionship definitely, but much more than that – the feeling that you are with someone that has helped you through so much, someone that has stood by your side no matter the odds and defended you, supported you, loved you, helped you, and all this without you having to ask. That is what I believe love to be. But my definition of what love is is probably different to yours.
Romantic love is what we all seem to be striving for – constantly searching for that one person who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Sure, some people live the playboy lifestyle, flitting from relationship to relationship but even they are looking for romantic love I’m sure (although they may not admit it). But what exactly is romantic love? An intense feeling of mutual attraction? Passion? Comfort? And does it start from the first time you meet that person, or does it develop over time? To me, I think true romantic love is not something that can happen straight away. You can be struck by someone’s beauty, their intelligence and their general demeanour, but does that mean you love them? No. Not straight away at least. That is purely an infatuation – a curiosity if you will. A desire to get to know them better to see what that person is like. I’ve met girls that I believe I could love, only to discover that it would never work out. And then I’ve met girls that amaze me each and every time I see them again and again – the type of girl who you want to spend time with, to talk to and laugh with. That is a strong basis for love to develop. But for real love to happen, you have to spend the time and the effort to get to know them better – to know their foibles and their frivolities, their passions, their quirky traits. Once you get to know all of this, and more, and that intense feeling develops into something more, then love has found its way into you. But is that true love? How do you know that it is true love with that particular person? It may feel that way in the beginning, but you never know how it will transpire. Let’s face it, most relationships that we have will end in a break-up. Even marriages these days are struggling. Is this due to our current culture? Have we been so taken in by the Hollywood idea of romance and love that when a relationship starts to get difficult – when that first stage of the relationship moves on to the next one, the stage where disagreements happen, where fights occur, where you kiss and make-up – we pack up and run for the hills?
You can’t choose who you fall in love with, it just happens that way. I often wonder why, and I can’t pin down one particular reason. I’ve loved a few people in my time, and each of them were different in quite obvious ways. Some people say they’re attracted to a certain type, but I don’t believe that to be true. Sure you can have an inclination for a certain generic type, but if you limit yourself like that, you probably won’t actually find true love and instead will be with someone that you want to live up to the image you have created around yourself. I don’t have a type, per se. I keep myself open and as a result have dated some very different characters. I haven’t loved all of them, or many of them for that matter, but what matters is the act of putting yourself out there and trying it. That, I believe, is one of the hardest parts of any relationship. Committing yourself to something fully that you know full well could end in disaster. Maybe that is why people stick to their ‘types’ – to stay within their comfort zone. All I know is that liking someone is easy, falling in love with someone is then a natural progression, but committing to it and committing yourself to it is so incredibly difficult. We as a society are so protective now that we are afraid of letting ourselves go, of letting ourselves experience what love and life is all about. We seem to have trouble bringing ourselves to trust and believe in what might happen. And there’s a good reason for that too – relationships do have a tendency to end. This is always in the back of our minds – we are constantly thinking ‘this could end at any time; I won’t dedicate myself to it. I’ll just hang back a bit so it won’t hurt as much when it does end’. This mind-set is wrong. It stops you from enjoying the little things of every day – the trials and tribulations that make life what it is. You have to let go of yourself, and all that you know and believe in for love to really work.
Every relationship goes through rough-patches. It’s a natural progression, and if you do truly love the person, then you will try and keep the relationship going, no matter how hard it may seem. That is one of the essences of true love – the ability and the strength to fight for it to continue because you can’t imagine your life without them. Love is not all roses and laughter, it is hard work. And the initial feelings will always diminish, and instead you’ll be left with something else, something more I think. Companionship definitely, but much more than that – the feeling that you are with someone that has helped you through so much, someone that has stood by your side no matter the odds and defended you, supported you, loved you, helped you, and all this without you having to ask. That is what I believe love to be. But my definition of what love is is probably different to yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment